Pizza and all things holy

' Someone once told me that the world would beat me, break me and belittle me but it shouldn't ever stop me from being the very best person I was ever meant to be', In my darkest hour I hold onto those words like the last light at the end of a tunnel. 

 I can clearly remember walking out the back entrance to that stone - walled Church on a rainy afternoon in May. It was the day a distant cousin from my father's side of the family met his creator. Death brings in people from all parts of the world. The day had begun by a shrill phone call at an ungodly hour of the morning. We were only just waking up, when we got the bad news. Soon preparations were made for a burial and having the body fly in from the States. The many years that have passed by and still I will remember that day being a life changer in my life. But for those simple words of a passing stranger it would have been a tragic, uneventful day. But those words strike a chord in my memory.

I've lived through earthquakes, a financial crisis, brutal breakups and more deaths of loved ones. The latter so dear to me that putting pen to paper and re-living those memories will not make any difference to my stream of emotions. I live in a tucked away little pocket of the world - Kuwait; where all days blend into each other. A swishing swirl of flavorsome Arabic coffee, Bukhoor (Arabic: بخور ), or Bakhoor, is the Arabic name given to wood-chips soaked in fragrant oils, the scorching heat and panoramic view of the Arabian Sea along the gulf road. The weekends are Friday and Saturdays which means we can't have our Monday blues when we jump start that wagon on a Sunday. It takes some getting used to if you haven't previously lived in the gulf.

While I write this post, Kuwait celebrates the beautiful holiday of  Eid al-Fitr (Arabic: عيد الفطر‎ ʻĪd al-Fiṭr, IPA: [ʕiːd al fitˤr], "festival of breaking of the fast"), also called Feast of Breaking the Fast, the Sugar Feast, Bayram (Bajram), the Sweet Festival or Hari Raya Puasa and the Lesser Eid, is an important religious holiday celebrated by Muslims worldwide that marks the end of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting (sawm). While my friends all around me fasted. I feel like I did the same. The shopping centers and restaurants close business and re open only after the breaking of the fast at 1850 hours. This makes it easy for those who don't practice the same religion to begin testing their cooking skills and making it back in time to have a family meal.

It's a funny thing about being deprived of food. You end up having unusual cravings for every kind of junk food known to mankind. I've made a top 5 list of the food I have been mooning over until I finally decided to give into my whims and fancies and eat it. This is what tops the list:

1. Avocado and Date Milkshake ( 2 times a Day)

2. Pizza ( Cheese)

3. Rajaii Trifle ( A dream come true)

4. Mamons ( Little Filipino Cupcakes that taste like clouds in your mouth)

5. Chocolate Fudge

Now depending on the what part of the day it is. These were the top 5 things on my mind, all day - everyday. And let me tell you, I am the happiest celebrant there is today because it is Eid Al Fitr which only means one thing and one thing only - FREE HOME DELIVERY!

You were my Halley's comet

There are some people who blaze into your life. And in a blink of an eye they're gone. They change your whole life around with their presence. Even if it's just for those moments where you bonded over a sappy rom-com or just decided Rihanna is pop star material of the century. You would already have been picturing yourself knee deep in diapers and trips to your parents with them by your side.

Even if it were just for a minute. That connection was real. It was present and you both acknowledged it with smiles and small talk. At the back of your head you just knew they can make you happy. But you press that panic button and decide it's not good to go out on a limb if they're not making the first move. Dating these days have their own set of complications and rules made up on-the-go. No fun in assuming that the person sitting opposite you is really and truly into you for all the right reasons. It's NEVER that easy, let me tell you.

But for some, apparent unplanned reason. They disappear into thin air never to be seen or heard from ever again. There's a lot that can be said in this case. Either they're running scared because of a connection that seemed to too good to be true OR it was something only you felt. The important thing to remember here is not to beat yourself up over it. They came into your life for a reason. A good one. They made your world brighter and lighter.

These things have a way of working themselves out no matter how bizarre the situation that may present itself to you. Sometimes I feel I am in love with the idea of love itself. The concept of Love isn't foreign to me having been in a few relationships where all of them claimed to have 'loved' me. I won't place the blame completely on them. I did a fair share of handing out my "Love-you-too" pins to the wrong 'Mr.Rights'. Been there, done that as they say.

When love strikes, and I know for sure it will because we all deserve to be loved and cherished for the rest of our lives. I want someone to feel and talk about me like John Cusack in Must Love Dogs here( Take a look at what I've been getting high on)

20 reasons Why It's normal to live with your Parents in your 20s

Take a deep breath we're making a list of reasons why it's absolutely fine to still be living with your parents if you're in you're late 20s. I know different people and different cultures will have you smirking at me. But being Indian still does not completely explain that my culture understands if girls stayed with their parents. We're encouraged to finish our higher studies (hopefully we get a chance to study in a separate country from our parents) and then try and make it on our own. If not, there's always that security blanket - we can go home to them.

Here are the simple and inexplicable facts we can't ignore. This is why it ROCKS

1. Home-cooked meals. You're not splurging on coffee and food in expensive bistros and Cafés anymore.
2. Fresh Laundry. Folded and Neatly piled (this is the life)
3. No silent apartment to come to after work. 
4. NOISY weekends, full of family plans you can't wait to escape from and home-cooked meals that last for weeks.
5. No privacy! Not in the bathroom, bedroom or even the Kitchen. Your family wants to know where you're at and what you're doing at ALL times.
6. Someone to answer phone calls and take messages for you ( Especially if you're one of them who is plagued by Tele-marketers).
7. Church - If you're not up for a little têtê-a-têtê with God, the silent glares and noise everyone else makes while getting ready on a sunday will make you wake up and move faster to get there.
8. Vacum Cleaners become you're worst enemy - Not too lucky if you're sleeping while it starts.
9. Family to always fall back on when plans with friends don't work out.
10. Save on Gas Money - You get free rides to and from work or to go someplace nice.
11. Midnight Snacks - Your parents ALWAYS keep the best leftovers in the fridge.
12. A home to call your own.
13. Security and Support when you've had the worst day at work( we have too many of those to count, but it's great when someone's there to listen).
14. People who will encourage your wild ambitions and silly taste in music.
15. Your Self-Portrait photos can be met with multiple opinions.
16. Unconditional LOVE.
17. They'll drive you crazy but will stick with you through heartache, depression and those blues that sometimes don't fade away too easily
18. No Self-Pity trips. If you have brothers (like I do) throw that towel out the window. They won't ever let you feel sorry for yourself.
19. Memories to cherish - You build a whole lot of them that will live with you forever.
20. Watching TV together can become a recreational family time entertainment

So, Cheers to NO new-found freedom and hopefully you survive all the trauma (once again?!!!).

Art and Love

I'm ecstatic. I'm in the right place that fills that empty space inside my heart full of happy zingy elements that makes me gasp and laugh ( I've been told for no apparent reason).

So this is what Love would be like. I'm in that place which caught me unawares. No, I didn't plan a vacation or a holiday that took me someplace exotic. I won't complain if someone wants to give me a holiday or take me on one. This place where I am now, It took a while coming and it finally arrived like a neatly wrapped package. I worked a long time to see this day coming. The day I finally called mine. I am exactly where I want to be. That's happy. Its a happy day. A brilliant one where I'm content to be me. I love me.

I have always loved Art. But only recently I realized how much I love it. I've been so lucky to be placed in a time and place that uses my creativity. I'm not there completely but I will be someday. Do you know that light bulb that switches on and you know...you just know that you were made for something bigger.

I've heard that sentence about a million times but I like to give it a twist " The universe conspires to give you exactly what you want." This morning I played ball, the throw-catch-throw kind. I realized not only do I have two left feet but my hands don't seem to have reflexes that match my brains command to "Catch". May be I should get some of the dog training they throw out in the park - for free, and fetch some flying Frisbee.

I don't live in my past anymore. All those things that weighed me down yesterday. I threw it out the window, and I've moved on to better and bigger things.

The Case of the Missing Blogger

I haven't just up and died on you. Don't be shy, I'm talking to you all my stalkers, invisible fans and more people who came across this page by accident.

What have I been doing with all my time?

Apart from finally settling on a job that I like and learning to cook finally. I haven't made any spectacular decisions or made some life-altering changes. The best part is I feel closer and more in line with my train of thought than ever before. That's more because I had a lot of time to introspect and drop my guard around people. And while I listen to http://youtu.be/6oKUTOLSeMM 'Hungry Eyes' I chew my pen thoughtfully as to what else can justify my disappearing act. I've come to realize I depend on no one but me to make me happy these days. There's just too much of happy zingy elements that emit out of me. How do I know? I feel the 'happy' vibes in me and they escape me in silly giggles for no apparent reason. I must look so foolish and love-sick to people that think it must be because I'm in love.

They won't be wrong there. I'm in love with Me. The true me who can't hold anything back and always seems to go the extra mile even if it's just to make someone smile. I feed on my strength and there's nothing that makes me more happy when I know I'm the reason someone feels good or comforted in some way. I know this might all come across as terribly boring but I've long ago decided that I don't move with the crowd. I stand out. Always have. Always will.

That can also be because I am insufferably sarcastic. I don't have a cap to that. It flows out of me like a river but I also make sure the recipient is someone truly deserving of my barbed hit. Oh how i've missed writing. I feel like it's been a physical pain inside me. Like a toothache that never goes away until you get it treated. Writing is my solace. My freedom. It's me and words, when they become one. It's just me performing a ballet with Mr.Word here and there until we finally settle on the perfect road map to take us through life.

I never knew Music could also be my solace at one point in time. But it is. Music that soothes me, mostly instrumental. I'm tired of listening to the kind that doesn't make sense. Take a wild guess on what kind I'm talking about.

Que Sera, Sera!

We've all been dealt with cards that might not be too appealing. The secret to getting through anything tough is to accept that it's over and you're going to move forward positively and with a stronger chip on your shoulder.

Love and Light to everyone out there. 

I couldn't have said it better

HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED!

    
 

12 days into the New Year

My first post in the New Year.

First, let's take a bow and feel happy we are alive. SURPRISE ! The world didn't end in 2012!

I've been away making good of my time in the new year. I decided not to make a new year resolution, because I'm very good at breaking mine. So I've tricked myself into doing something that I didn't do last year. I decided keeping fit should take top priority. It isn't too bad. I've done well so far on that record.

After a few months sabbatical with no-job, no money and gloom. I shook myself awake and decided to get my act together. I reached out, got the help I needed and landed myself an interesting job. I've definitely got this now, 2012. The things that I carry into the new year from the last would be :


1) Honesty and Integrity

2) Beliefs and Opinions.

3) Sense of Humor plus a healthy dose of sarcasm when life squeezes me in a corner.

4)Ability to laugh at myself and get through difficult situations.

5) Independence and the inane wish to learn and grow, to soak up the best of everything.

6) Writing and Reading

7) Giving myself treats

Some things don't change. I learn things about myself everyday. I learn more about when I interact with people. Music is an important part of me, more in lyrics than in tune. But there are days of silence when even music doesn't heal. Although, it goes a long way in making me feel better.

It's day 13 today what have I learnt ?

I learn to show no weakness to people in authority. Also, it's fine to make mistakes but repeating them is an expensive commodity. Talking to people you don't like teaches you hard lessons. Making friends at parties goes a long way while networking yourself in a strange and foreign country. Investing in people and taking time to listen more and talk less helps only you.

Always picture yourself living alone, even if you're not and see if you can manage to live reasonably well. Sometimes that's a rude awakening. Everyone deals with set backs in different ways. I resort to anxiety and silence which isn't a good thing. But, I'm also strong enough to know that I bounce back on a positive note the next day. I'm still learning that every downhill run can be conquered by keeping your head high and steeling your heart against hatred and despair.

So, Cheers to 2012. May the beginning be a start to new ventures, learning, happy times and a lifetime of great memories. This time let's strive to get it right. And if we don't, don't beat yourself up.

Why I Love Men

I know I give all the women in my Life way too much importance that I tend to forget what all the men do( I can see all of you in my mind's eye saying - Don't we all.). So let me get this right. This is for all the men who have been a part of my life - My Father, Uncle, Brothers, Friends and ex- Boyfriends. I know I've taken all of you for granted because it's so so easy to communicate with a woman who shares my pain rather than you who don't understand why it is that I need to be crazy and teary, bright and bubbly, sarcastic and corny.

Here's to all my Men.

• It's your silence when I share a part of me, and even when you don't know how to react, being quiet is sometimes the best thing there is to offer as comfort.
• It's that masculinity though very annoying and inappropriate if you ask me to change my clothes a dozen times to please you, makes it endearing that you chose to be protective that way.
• It's when you snarl at other men gawking at me and shift closer to my side with a hand on my shoulder or waist.
• That smile in your eyes when you're proud of the way I talk you down in any argument or spar with words so it ends in a playful war of words and nothing else.
• It's also the small surprises and shy, awkward glances (on first dates usually) that don't come back, so you re-live it only in memories. 
• It's how you're interested in the friends I make and want to hear all the things we talk about just because you wonder what silly-girl talk is all about.
• It's how you assume responsibility of  being in the role of bread-winner so effortlessly.
• It's that easy - to - go attitude to take charge when things go wrong and put your best foot forward at times of a crisis.
• It's that absolute and passionate love - the way you do your thing.
• The way you walk your walk and talk you talk. Smooth Operator, alright.

Why do I love Men?

The easiest answer to that is that they constantly surprise me. It's their tenderness underneath all that hard exterior. If I find it hard to see through an angry man. A friend gave me a useful tip ' Imagine a hurt child in his place' and you're perspective changes completely.

Fear and Music.

I was reading this blog the other day. That's where I've been gathering all my inspiration from apparently. I think that's where most people derive their inspiration from - other people's blogs. I have this terrible and annoying habit of straying from a point verbally or written which is saying a lot. So back to reading that blog and she ( the Author) says after she writes a article is when she realizes it's so far away from the title. Taking a feather from her book or post in this case I'm leaving my title blank until after I'm done writing this.

Living with my Parents has it's ups and downs. Mostly it's downs and terrible down in the ground feelings. Not good when you're wallowing in that feeling. Today I realized I can do two things simultaneously, which is listen to the happiest music and still cry like a baby because I know my mind's trying to make me believe that I can get through it. But it's fooling me. It just is.

My whole life is changing and I don't think I'm ready for it. I don't want to be ready for it. Why? The next few years apart from being highly unstable financially makes it the aftermath of a world war in my head. Disaster!
I know it's going to be alright if I keep my wits around me but when I open my eyes the sudden change in my life baffles me.

Why now? Why couldn't it have been a few months earlier when I was earning reasonably well.

Sometimes life spring's the nastiest surprises on you. I was thinking If I sleep off a few 20 years will I wake up to a better life for myself or worse? I wish sleep could cure all my worries. If there ever was a sleep pill to rid the world of troubles I would pioneer it.

I'm scared of my uncertain future. I don't feel up to facing it. I won't spill some dramatic story of positiveness when today's the day I gave myself a vacation from my happy helium balloon. I don't like what sadness does to me. I look hard at myself and realize this is not who I was a year ago. I faced far worse and I could still laugh it off at the drop of a hat.

While I cried , I laughed at how foolish my little salty trails felt against my skin. And then the Music took me to a different place.

Christmas with Cartoon Network

Every Christmas as a child I would curl up on the sofa and watch Cartoons the entire day.Since there wasn't much to keep us entertained and watching TV was a novelty. We would get to watch only after home-work and sometimes never when our parents were home from work. So cartoons the whole day - Oh whoopi do!

Cartoons grew up too. Now everything on cartoon network is different and so are (obviously) show timings. But, I still remember my afternoon cartoons where I would watch Swat Kats, Dexter's Laboratory, Jonny Quest, The Mask, Scooby- Doo, The Adams Family...all in the right order. There is something about those old cartoons that has a little charm of it's own.

I always loved watching the Jetsons and the Flintstones, two families that require a whole section for description. My favorite episode is when both families time travel from space age to pre-historic stone age times and learn how things have changed.

On Christmas day all cartoons were dressed for the holiday and special episodes aired on Cartoon Network the entire day. Also one of the best things about cartoon network was that they stayed on 24 hours that day. On other days they reserve 12 hours to Cartoon Network and the rest was dedicated to TNT http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TNT_(TV_channel)

I love Christmas as you can see and I won't shut up about it very fast.

To be a reckless Teen again

After years of being away from home. I have returned to the place where I was born. It's different to say the very least. I now live with my parents and a younger brother who is in his teens.

My post is half-inspired by his antics and more of how everyone at home reacts to them. Not surprisingly, I'm the villain when taking his side when there are fights. Only now is when I realize the best thing to say is - nothing. It's fairly easy to take sides when you have been through the same battle with your parents and you see history repeat itself.

My mother delivers a deadly counter-attack when I step in during any controversy. Her golden words ' ....you won't really understand until you have your own kids.' Needless to say that puts a stop to my meddling to make things better and I slink away quietly into the other room to appear busy.

I have also noticed that everything and every minor flaw gets intensified and maximized around parents. I don't blame them. Who knew their 20-something-year-old daughter ( Age withheld because I want to appear mysterious) would come back to wreak havoc in their orderly lives?

To be a teenager again and love so completely without any holds and no exceptions. I just reminisce on those times. I ran into a class-mate from school and we both realized how much things have changed, and also how our features are so much better now than before.

It isn't that we are ugly as kids. Being in the terrible teenage years can be kind to some and a bitch to some. Mine was the latter. So now when people come up to me remarking on how 'different' I look. It doesn't faze me. I've seen them at their worst too (pimples, acne, weird hair-do included).

The difference is that I never dissed them at their worst.
 

Camouflage is nature's craftiest trick

 The new age of social media is a huge hit and grand success. Social media feeds of emotions we put into updating our status, gathering our friends, 'liking pages/comments/groups'. I started writing this post because I was watching a popular TV show " Dexter" and  the main character - Dexter (obviously) begins his episode by saying 'Camouflage is nature's craftiest trick'. Definitely something worth pondering over.

People in these times pretend to be happy. They manage to do that by fooling themselves into some false sense of security and using social media-their tool to happiness. I don't know what's worse, either they make their sorrow official by getting sympathy comments or they post pictures to ensure they let the world know how busy and full their social calendars are via twitter or more commonly used facebook.

For a regular user of all social applications myself. I know it feels like the pot calling the kettle black. But, give me some credit since I'm aware of my shortcomings and don't plead ignorance at the very least. We've made ourselves exhibitionists without even signing up for it.

Can I take off my Happy Mask now? 

The thing is who is going to notice and whether those who do, really care to know the reason behind it. Every time  I take a look around me there are walking zombies who are trying so hard to pretend their lives are better than others.

Also, who pretends to be happy? I know i'm missing some universal secret here but when I'm NOT happy I can't pretend otherwise.

 

Christmas Memories

It's that time of the year again. I started this post a long time ago and decided to wait until December to really get that warm, fuzzy feeling into words.

I haven't been at home for Christmas in years. It's just that either I've been travelling, in-between exams or working as of late last year and completely missed coming back to see my parents. Their life moved on as soon as me and my younger brother chose to study in a different country. I don't blame them but now that I'm back it's a bit sad to see how far apart you've really grown with your parents.

All my Christmases growing up as a kid in my parents' home included Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers and not until now when I returned home to listen to the same old recorded tapes is when it clicked what I've been missing all these years apart. All families have their own traditions, meals, carols, decorations and all the rest.

Ours wasn't a very huge affair now that I think back on it. But the little we did made us feel warm and loved. We didn't have a grand fire-place and expensive gifts being pulled out from the tree. That reminds me of one christmas that my dad decided that he just couldn't afford anything and bought us all 'remote-control' cars( me being the eldest with two younger brothers) The only thing a 13-year old girl child would feel is embarrassed and self-conscious when all eyes turn to watch her reaction after she opens it. I hid it well behind thick eyelashes and a temporary enthusiastic reaction.

Another Christmas was when my youngest brother- Neil wanted a bicycle and my Uncle and Dad took extra pains that year to make him believe that Santa still exists. They left the balcony door open because Neil wanted to know how Santa would climb into a flat with no fire-place/chimney. His shiny new bike was right there on the balcony that year. It was one of my most favourite memories of christmas at home.

The best thing about Christmas has to be the fact that no matter where you go you carry a carol in your heart. There are so many that no matter what you do it catches you unawares and you go humming it without realizing it.

Season's Greeting to Everyone !

As we welcome a New Year let's pray it brings us more joy, peace and love as the last.

Of all the things I need. I need you the most.

So it's like this. I have been feeling all kinds of worry. If there was a way I want to bring back just one person from the dead. But then I come across this whole concept of Parallel Universes. I have lost someone so dear to me that it breaks my heart that I can still imagine his voice in my head , the smell of his after shave and the loudness of his voice and the softness of his nature. The silence that signals absence is so loud. There isn't anything else that fills my head until I can't help but pay heed to it.

Wouldn't it be just lovely that we exist in different other places in the universe all at the same time. Here we are just existing and somewhere out there is another part of us existing differently. It can be happy/ sad time we're having with ourselves in those parallel frames. 

Have you had a conversation with someone in your head and truly believed that they are there, alive and solid somehow defying all the laws of heaven and hell. 

This is what I would tell you if i had to make a quick call to you in heaven/ whichever Universe you're still alive in...I would tell you...

I miss having to talk and tell you silly things that I can't tell anyone else. I want to go back in time and be crazy with you again. Just for that time to come back again when we all shared a meal together and spent every Christmas under a warm roof and Jim Reeves crooning carols. The days when everything was simple and running to you for encouragement and support wasn't thought of twice. If I knew that day was the last day I would see you smile and walk out the door, I would pull you back and never let you go.

I know somehow you're there walking beside me every step of the way when I need you. It's the warmth of your smile and the touch of your hand on my shoulder I feel when I stumble. It's the strength in my step when I know you're going to be proud of me, watching me from that perch on heaven's loftiest branch.

When the Cracks appear

• When in the lull of a conversation you find that only you have been doing all the talking .
• When everything you say gets mis-interpreted for something dark and ugly.
• When nothing you say or do can call a truce to any argument.
• When you get mistaken for a liar or something close to a traitor.
• When you see that he can't fit into your family because he wouldn't try.
• When every time you want to spend time with your family despite your best efforts he doesn't feel included.
• When there's more giving, less loving and nothing in return.
• When after every fight your the only one who wants to make up faster than you have had a fight.
• When you know that's he's taking advantage of you emotionally but you still give him full reign.
• When your friends try to tell you in silent ways that he isn't the one for you.
• When after all that has happened you are the one who wants to forgive but he can't and won't.
• When you realize that attraction is not a substitute for intimacy.
• When you look at old pictures and realize there's more that you wanted than just kisses and sex.
• When small gestures of love get taken for granted.
• When small gestures of love are met with indifference.
• When you feel your the only one making an effort to meet things half-way and he's not budging an inch.
• When most days you spend crying yourself to sleep or awake listing out all your faults.
• When you can take the distance and he can't because it's easier for him to let go.
• When frustration becomes a routine around him.
• When your waiting on a phone call (that never happens)saying he cares enough although you live in a different country.
• When he won't say goodbye as you leave the country because you couldn't spend your last minutes on a call/internet chat with him.
• When you hate to admit that although you have heard the Cliché time and again. 'Age' does matter.
• Immaturity doesn't always have something to do with age, he can be 90 but, behave like a 10-year old all the same.
• When he won't discuss his future with you .
• When he refuses to tell you if he makes plans that involve long travel.
• When you hope that he is going to surprise you with something thoughtful but he never does.
• While, when he is standing right next to you he pays better attention to people around you.( Yes, other Girls!)
• When compliments don't come easily to him when it's you. But it flows readily when it's another girl. 
• When he refuses to understand the need to make you feel special and cared for(anything really that sets you apart from the rest) , compliments and gifts aside.
• When he says you expect too much and justifies it by saying it's his first relationship.
• When he hates talking about his past or past relationships even after you have aired all your dirty linen.