Why I Love Men

I know I give all the women in my Life way too much importance that I tend to forget what all the men do( I can see all of you in my mind's eye saying - Don't we all.). So let me get this right. This is for all the men who have been a part of my life - My Father, Uncle, Brothers, Friends and ex- Boyfriends. I know I've taken all of you for granted because it's so so easy to communicate with a woman who shares my pain rather than you who don't understand why it is that I need to be crazy and teary, bright and bubbly, sarcastic and corny.

Here's to all my Men.

• It's your silence when I share a part of me, and even when you don't know how to react, being quiet is sometimes the best thing there is to offer as comfort.
• It's that masculinity though very annoying and inappropriate if you ask me to change my clothes a dozen times to please you, makes it endearing that you chose to be protective that way.
• It's when you snarl at other men gawking at me and shift closer to my side with a hand on my shoulder or waist.
• That smile in your eyes when you're proud of the way I talk you down in any argument or spar with words so it ends in a playful war of words and nothing else.
• It's also the small surprises and shy, awkward glances (on first dates usually) that don't come back, so you re-live it only in memories. 
• It's how you're interested in the friends I make and want to hear all the things we talk about just because you wonder what silly-girl talk is all about.
• It's how you assume responsibility of  being in the role of bread-winner so effortlessly.
• It's that easy - to - go attitude to take charge when things go wrong and put your best foot forward at times of a crisis.
• It's that absolute and passionate love - the way you do your thing.
• The way you walk your walk and talk you talk. Smooth Operator, alright.

Why do I love Men?

The easiest answer to that is that they constantly surprise me. It's their tenderness underneath all that hard exterior. If I find it hard to see through an angry man. A friend gave me a useful tip ' Imagine a hurt child in his place' and you're perspective changes completely.

Fear and Music.

I was reading this blog the other day. That's where I've been gathering all my inspiration from apparently. I think that's where most people derive their inspiration from - other people's blogs. I have this terrible and annoying habit of straying from a point verbally or written which is saying a lot. So back to reading that blog and she ( the Author) says after she writes a article is when she realizes it's so far away from the title. Taking a feather from her book or post in this case I'm leaving my title blank until after I'm done writing this.

Living with my Parents has it's ups and downs. Mostly it's downs and terrible down in the ground feelings. Not good when you're wallowing in that feeling. Today I realized I can do two things simultaneously, which is listen to the happiest music and still cry like a baby because I know my mind's trying to make me believe that I can get through it. But it's fooling me. It just is.

My whole life is changing and I don't think I'm ready for it. I don't want to be ready for it. Why? The next few years apart from being highly unstable financially makes it the aftermath of a world war in my head. Disaster!
I know it's going to be alright if I keep my wits around me but when I open my eyes the sudden change in my life baffles me.

Why now? Why couldn't it have been a few months earlier when I was earning reasonably well.

Sometimes life spring's the nastiest surprises on you. I was thinking If I sleep off a few 20 years will I wake up to a better life for myself or worse? I wish sleep could cure all my worries. If there ever was a sleep pill to rid the world of troubles I would pioneer it.

I'm scared of my uncertain future. I don't feel up to facing it. I won't spill some dramatic story of positiveness when today's the day I gave myself a vacation from my happy helium balloon. I don't like what sadness does to me. I look hard at myself and realize this is not who I was a year ago. I faced far worse and I could still laugh it off at the drop of a hat.

While I cried , I laughed at how foolish my little salty trails felt against my skin. And then the Music took me to a different place.

Christmas with Cartoon Network

Every Christmas as a child I would curl up on the sofa and watch Cartoons the entire day.Since there wasn't much to keep us entertained and watching TV was a novelty. We would get to watch only after home-work and sometimes never when our parents were home from work. So cartoons the whole day - Oh whoopi do!

Cartoons grew up too. Now everything on cartoon network is different and so are (obviously) show timings. But, I still remember my afternoon cartoons where I would watch Swat Kats, Dexter's Laboratory, Jonny Quest, The Mask, Scooby- Doo, The Adams Family...all in the right order. There is something about those old cartoons that has a little charm of it's own.

I always loved watching the Jetsons and the Flintstones, two families that require a whole section for description. My favorite episode is when both families time travel from space age to pre-historic stone age times and learn how things have changed.

On Christmas day all cartoons were dressed for the holiday and special episodes aired on Cartoon Network the entire day. Also one of the best things about cartoon network was that they stayed on 24 hours that day. On other days they reserve 12 hours to Cartoon Network and the rest was dedicated to TNT http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TNT_(TV_channel)

I love Christmas as you can see and I won't shut up about it very fast.

To be a reckless Teen again

After years of being away from home. I have returned to the place where I was born. It's different to say the very least. I now live with my parents and a younger brother who is in his teens.

My post is half-inspired by his antics and more of how everyone at home reacts to them. Not surprisingly, I'm the villain when taking his side when there are fights. Only now is when I realize the best thing to say is - nothing. It's fairly easy to take sides when you have been through the same battle with your parents and you see history repeat itself.

My mother delivers a deadly counter-attack when I step in during any controversy. Her golden words ' ....you won't really understand until you have your own kids.' Needless to say that puts a stop to my meddling to make things better and I slink away quietly into the other room to appear busy.

I have also noticed that everything and every minor flaw gets intensified and maximized around parents. I don't blame them. Who knew their 20-something-year-old daughter ( Age withheld because I want to appear mysterious) would come back to wreak havoc in their orderly lives?

To be a teenager again and love so completely without any holds and no exceptions. I just reminisce on those times. I ran into a class-mate from school and we both realized how much things have changed, and also how our features are so much better now than before.

It isn't that we are ugly as kids. Being in the terrible teenage years can be kind to some and a bitch to some. Mine was the latter. So now when people come up to me remarking on how 'different' I look. It doesn't faze me. I've seen them at their worst too (pimples, acne, weird hair-do included).

The difference is that I never dissed them at their worst.
 

Camouflage is nature's craftiest trick

 The new age of social media is a huge hit and grand success. Social media feeds of emotions we put into updating our status, gathering our friends, 'liking pages/comments/groups'. I started writing this post because I was watching a popular TV show " Dexter" and  the main character - Dexter (obviously) begins his episode by saying 'Camouflage is nature's craftiest trick'. Definitely something worth pondering over.

People in these times pretend to be happy. They manage to do that by fooling themselves into some false sense of security and using social media-their tool to happiness. I don't know what's worse, either they make their sorrow official by getting sympathy comments or they post pictures to ensure they let the world know how busy and full their social calendars are via twitter or more commonly used facebook.

For a regular user of all social applications myself. I know it feels like the pot calling the kettle black. But, give me some credit since I'm aware of my shortcomings and don't plead ignorance at the very least. We've made ourselves exhibitionists without even signing up for it.

Can I take off my Happy Mask now? 

The thing is who is going to notice and whether those who do, really care to know the reason behind it. Every time  I take a look around me there are walking zombies who are trying so hard to pretend their lives are better than others.

Also, who pretends to be happy? I know i'm missing some universal secret here but when I'm NOT happy I can't pretend otherwise.

 

Christmas Memories

It's that time of the year again. I started this post a long time ago and decided to wait until December to really get that warm, fuzzy feeling into words.

I haven't been at home for Christmas in years. It's just that either I've been travelling, in-between exams or working as of late last year and completely missed coming back to see my parents. Their life moved on as soon as me and my younger brother chose to study in a different country. I don't blame them but now that I'm back it's a bit sad to see how far apart you've really grown with your parents.

All my Christmases growing up as a kid in my parents' home included Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers and not until now when I returned home to listen to the same old recorded tapes is when it clicked what I've been missing all these years apart. All families have their own traditions, meals, carols, decorations and all the rest.

Ours wasn't a very huge affair now that I think back on it. But the little we did made us feel warm and loved. We didn't have a grand fire-place and expensive gifts being pulled out from the tree. That reminds me of one christmas that my dad decided that he just couldn't afford anything and bought us all 'remote-control' cars( me being the eldest with two younger brothers) The only thing a 13-year old girl child would feel is embarrassed and self-conscious when all eyes turn to watch her reaction after she opens it. I hid it well behind thick eyelashes and a temporary enthusiastic reaction.

Another Christmas was when my youngest brother- Neil wanted a bicycle and my Uncle and Dad took extra pains that year to make him believe that Santa still exists. They left the balcony door open because Neil wanted to know how Santa would climb into a flat with no fire-place/chimney. His shiny new bike was right there on the balcony that year. It was one of my most favourite memories of christmas at home.

The best thing about Christmas has to be the fact that no matter where you go you carry a carol in your heart. There are so many that no matter what you do it catches you unawares and you go humming it without realizing it.

Season's Greeting to Everyone !

As we welcome a New Year let's pray it brings us more joy, peace and love as the last.

Of all the things I need. I need you the most.

So it's like this. I have been feeling all kinds of worry. If there was a way I want to bring back just one person from the dead. But then I come across this whole concept of Parallel Universes. I have lost someone so dear to me that it breaks my heart that I can still imagine his voice in my head , the smell of his after shave and the loudness of his voice and the softness of his nature. The silence that signals absence is so loud. There isn't anything else that fills my head until I can't help but pay heed to it.

Wouldn't it be just lovely that we exist in different other places in the universe all at the same time. Here we are just existing and somewhere out there is another part of us existing differently. It can be happy/ sad time we're having with ourselves in those parallel frames. 

Have you had a conversation with someone in your head and truly believed that they are there, alive and solid somehow defying all the laws of heaven and hell. 

This is what I would tell you if i had to make a quick call to you in heaven/ whichever Universe you're still alive in...I would tell you...

I miss having to talk and tell you silly things that I can't tell anyone else. I want to go back in time and be crazy with you again. Just for that time to come back again when we all shared a meal together and spent every Christmas under a warm roof and Jim Reeves crooning carols. The days when everything was simple and running to you for encouragement and support wasn't thought of twice. If I knew that day was the last day I would see you smile and walk out the door, I would pull you back and never let you go.

I know somehow you're there walking beside me every step of the way when I need you. It's the warmth of your smile and the touch of your hand on my shoulder I feel when I stumble. It's the strength in my step when I know you're going to be proud of me, watching me from that perch on heaven's loftiest branch.

When the Cracks appear

• When in the lull of a conversation you find that only you have been doing all the talking .
• When everything you say gets mis-interpreted for something dark and ugly.
• When nothing you say or do can call a truce to any argument.
• When you get mistaken for a liar or something close to a traitor.
• When you see that he can't fit into your family because he wouldn't try.
• When every time you want to spend time with your family despite your best efforts he doesn't feel included.
• When there's more giving, less loving and nothing in return.
• When after every fight your the only one who wants to make up faster than you have had a fight.
• When you know that's he's taking advantage of you emotionally but you still give him full reign.
• When your friends try to tell you in silent ways that he isn't the one for you.
• When after all that has happened you are the one who wants to forgive but he can't and won't.
• When you realize that attraction is not a substitute for intimacy.
• When you look at old pictures and realize there's more that you wanted than just kisses and sex.
• When small gestures of love get taken for granted.
• When small gestures of love are met with indifference.
• When you feel your the only one making an effort to meet things half-way and he's not budging an inch.
• When most days you spend crying yourself to sleep or awake listing out all your faults.
• When you can take the distance and he can't because it's easier for him to let go.
• When frustration becomes a routine around him.
• When your waiting on a phone call (that never happens)saying he cares enough although you live in a different country.
• When he won't say goodbye as you leave the country because you couldn't spend your last minutes on a call/internet chat with him.
• When you hate to admit that although you have heard the Cliché time and again. 'Age' does matter.
• Immaturity doesn't always have something to do with age, he can be 90 but, behave like a 10-year old all the same.
• When he won't discuss his future with you .
• When he refuses to tell you if he makes plans that involve long travel.
• When you hope that he is going to surprise you with something thoughtful but he never does.
• While, when he is standing right next to you he pays better attention to people around you.( Yes, other Girls!)
• When compliments don't come easily to him when it's you. But it flows readily when it's another girl. 
• When he refuses to understand the need to make you feel special and cared for(anything really that sets you apart from the rest) , compliments and gifts aside.
• When he says you expect too much and justifies it by saying it's his first relationship.
• When he hates talking about his past or past relationships even after you have aired all your dirty linen.

The Universe conspires to give you what you want!

When we least expect it, the Universe gives us everything we ever wanted. Is it a conspiracy? Most definitely yes! The Universe is forever plotting to give us everything we desire. The key to getting it is pretty obvious.You just need to Ask for what you need, Believe that it has already been received and Thank the universe for sending it your way.

People are way too focused on things they need and rather than thinking of ways to get it. They want to moan about how life won't treat them fairly to just give them all they need. I was one of those people and I'm going to be re-reading this post of mine for a long time to remind myself to stop complaining. We have all heard everyone loves a secret and this one is the Ultimate secret. If you want to know what has made Oprah successful- this is what she has been promoting from the beginning of her show.

Oprah's motivation is to inspire people to take control of their lives. I'm not into too much of philosophy. But this theory is too simple not to follow. The funny part is all of us have been doing it and were never truly aware of it. Haven't we all at some point in our lives truly believed that something might truly work in our favor? It can be something as simple as craving a cinnamon donut, a dream job, a cruise into the wide open seas, an adventure sport or waiting on that one person who makes your heart beat one to the dozen.

Oprah- “they say you can have it, in fact you already hold the power to make that happen”. I have always loved that way of thinking. When you know you have the control to change your life. It's exhilarating. I never truly believed it until i began to manifest things into the universe. The positive feeling of knowing that you will receive the very best and the universe is plotting every possible way of getting it to you, gives me that feeling that I can conquer the world.

I read somewhere that a person with the right attitude can never be dissatisfied.

This is an orderly universe. Nothing happens by accident. The images you plant in your marvelous mind instantly set up an attractive force, which governs the results in your life. I love how that theory works. I try to put it into practice every single day of my life. I'm not saying it has immediate results and that I feel very happy to wait. But when things truly begin to move the way you want them to. There is nothing more rewarding than that feeling of pleasure you get because your the one that set those wheels moving.

Thank you, Universe.

Revenge isn't sweet when you are on the other end of the stick

    I find it hard to accept a break up gone wrong for all the silliest of reasons. For a while it's hard to shake of the feeling that something was amiss for a long time. But there is always that false hope that makes you want to go on and make things right. I think women feel more responsible to make things alright in a relationship, when they feel threatened in any way. It could be because at some point you realize that 'He's just not that into you' (For more on that, refer to my earlier posts). That's a moot point when you have convinced yourself so well that things are going to be alright you are shocked when the door hits you on your way out.
    I guess I had this a long time coming. And it's good to know what's on the other end of the spectrum. I now know how it feels like to have your heart crushed, stomped and had a merry-little-dance done all over it. It gives new perspective to the phrase "when you hit rock-bottom, there's only one way out and that's going up". So for all those of  you have been in similar or close-to situations. My heart bleeds for you. I do know how it is to be made a fool of  when you have given it more than your very best. It's time to sit down and reflect. You did do too much. You were in over your head and it's time to kick back and enjoy the fact that you really and truly deserved someone so much better. It's staring at you right in the face. The bitter truth not made so because it's what your willing to accept.
    But it has got to be a first that a guy dated me just for revenge. Just not to make himself look like a fool among friends whose opinions and feeling matter more than me. I'm glad it's over. I chose to ponder over it and I am a romantic at heart and nature. I can't risk not having an idealistic view on love and romance. It's who I am and will always be. So, Love will always be this warm and elusive romance that makes my head spin and my heart beat faster. It's just going to happen again but i also believe with the one person who would deserve it all.

When your Angry and you know it...

There is always that time when you lose control of all your emotions because you let anger take over you. I have befriended anger and bitterness for a long time now. They have kept me insane and on the par with people who don't know how to be anything but angry at life in general. I was considered the epitome of calmness and serenity in the family. More often than not I felt like the victim of any bad situation that befell me. This is a normal reaction. We always feel that bad things happen to just us. Everyone else's life seems perfect in comparison to ours. I did too no matter how many times i convinced myself otherwise.

Silence was my fortress. It protected me from everyone and anything around me. It's your only weapon when it comes to not reacting to any angry outburst. You can't really argue with someone who refuses to react to verbal abuse or physical violence. There are some of course who love to try and even succeed at proving how insufferably conservative they are in their approach to other people's emotions.It's taken me a long time to say and more importantly believe this but you gain an upper hand in any fight when you stay calm and think before you react to the person in front of you.

It's not always the right thing to do to embrace silence. I have had to stand up for myself on more than one occasion and it hasn't been all that bad. The key is to strike a balance in your head whether to speak up or just let it go. I always have two options in front of me. Do I follow the same down-trodden path that makes you want to shoot at someone or be the bigger person and walk out of it feeling like you climbed a mountain.
Sometimes I wonder whether dominance by someone else and submission by me is what I take for granted. I want to fight back but not the same way they do. I refuse to be the same person who looks  in mirror and counts more frown lines.

This is where I want to be. I want to be quiet, happy and calm away from everyone and anything that makes me blink twice to hide a tear.

Why a Dog is better than a Man any day.

* It will always greet you with the same amount of enthusiasm as when you left home in the morning.

* It wouldn't expect you to have sex with it even if you are dog tired( no pun intended) and need just  a soft pillow and a comfortable bed.

*It would still think your cute and cuddly on  ALL your bad-hair days and wearing nothing but two day old PJ's.


* It wouldn't expect you to look like a Victoria  Secret Model any time of the day and compare you endlessly with other women.

* It will definitely know when to shut up when you want to be left alone plus give you the cute "doggy-eyed" look that makes all your troubles dissappear.

*It's always loyal and will stick by your side and protect you no matter what the cost.

* It can make you think of it all day long with its unselfish, lovable, adorable antics and bring a smile on your face that beats anything else a man could ever do in comparison.

* It will lick you and not slobber all over you like it needs to get rid off extra saliva from its system.

*It would know just how to jump on you and trouble you enough to give it the attention that it truly deserves.

* It wouldn't expect you to please it just because it licked you and greeted you at the door.

* It will still sniff your crotch and think it's heaven even if your not  "bikini- 'a la Brazilian-waxed!

* It will growl at any man that comes next to hairs breadth of ogling your breasts.

* It will be good to you and  is easily satisfied with just a bit of love and even lesser effort on your part.

* It doesn't go by the general rule of  a " Way to a man's heart is through his stomach" .

That's why  I  intend to buy a Dog. I know just the right kind that I need. For those of you who watched the movie " Hachiko" will definitely agree that's the kind that anyone would love/want/die for !

Frowns, Groans and Picking yourself off the Floor

When you know things are not going your way the best thing to do is to hold onto your Kittens and enjoy the intense ride.
I know everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. But what if any shoulder you need just decides that they have more important things to bother about. I guess your on  your own then, chum! So here's what I would do at these times.

•  Think of taking a long walk to clear my head out of its misery.
•  Eat anything that is Chocolate and have a single-minded ambition to drown yourself in it someday. At least, you die Happy .
•  Read Romantic no-good novels that talk about Sex as a "love-making" act and indulge in foolish fantasies that mostly never work the way you think they could.
• Sleep around all day and think of really good reasons to get out of Bed.
• Count your breathing.
• Walk around aimlessly until you realize that you might as well get out of the house before it's too late.
• Get yourself drunk..until you forget who your with and where you are.
• Dance like a Maniac and forget the world around you. 
• Make new friends hopefully not in the rest room of a night club.
• Sing or hum constantly when you think you can beat the likes of Beyonce /J Lo/Mariah .

This isn't the best list and I hate to think that I might be preaching. But it's something that helps me along the way. There does come a time in a person's life when you touch rock bottom. When you do, the only thing to do is try and swim back to the surface with every ounce of strength you possess.

It is so rewarding when you finally get there. It's like you give birth to a new You.

I learn to love little things about myself every day. One day I know this love will make me love someone else too.

Love and Luck  always.