Fear and Music.

I was reading this blog the other day. That's where I've been gathering all my inspiration from apparently. I think that's where most people derive their inspiration from - other people's blogs. I have this terrible and annoying habit of straying from a point verbally or written which is saying a lot. So back to reading that blog and she ( the Author) says after she writes a article is when she realizes it's so far away from the title. Taking a feather from her book or post in this case I'm leaving my title blank until after I'm done writing this.

Living with my Parents has it's ups and downs. Mostly it's downs and terrible down in the ground feelings. Not good when you're wallowing in that feeling. Today I realized I can do two things simultaneously, which is listen to the happiest music and still cry like a baby because I know my mind's trying to make me believe that I can get through it. But it's fooling me. It just is.

My whole life is changing and I don't think I'm ready for it. I don't want to be ready for it. Why? The next few years apart from being highly unstable financially makes it the aftermath of a world war in my head. Disaster!
I know it's going to be alright if I keep my wits around me but when I open my eyes the sudden change in my life baffles me.

Why now? Why couldn't it have been a few months earlier when I was earning reasonably well.

Sometimes life spring's the nastiest surprises on you. I was thinking If I sleep off a few 20 years will I wake up to a better life for myself or worse? I wish sleep could cure all my worries. If there ever was a sleep pill to rid the world of troubles I would pioneer it.

I'm scared of my uncertain future. I don't feel up to facing it. I won't spill some dramatic story of positiveness when today's the day I gave myself a vacation from my happy helium balloon. I don't like what sadness does to me. I look hard at myself and realize this is not who I was a year ago. I faced far worse and I could still laugh it off at the drop of a hat.

While I cried , I laughed at how foolish my little salty trails felt against my skin. And then the Music took me to a different place.